if we're talking about love
2004-06-11 & 2:12 a.m.

some guy tried to rub up againts me in a crowded subway car, some guy tried to feed me some stupid line in some stupid bar. i see the same shit everday, the landscape looks so bleak, i think i'll take the first one of you home that does something unique

beyond teetering on the edge of boredom, something is synonymous with insanity. these haircuts/suits/cosmopolitans somehow speak the same language as me but when i ask what color the sky is, they stutter silently and i sigh and move on. i wonder where is the all-night diner idealism in this town. is this what i am - all these oranges and reds, not the greens and blues i'm used to. the pool tables evolve into a mecca for the suits to inhale the green air and take another shot at non-communication.

lost and not sure where i'm headed. defining where you want to go in negatives does not pave the way to anywhere. this murky drink makes me breath a little easier, but i cannot compromise and continue to look these people in the eye. applying to jobs in alaska/new york city/london and hoping wherever i end up, i can put flowers in my windowsill. and then i can wake up and say, i am somewhere. and this is where i want to be.

i fight with love, and i laugh with rage. you've gotta live light enough to see the humor and long enough to see some change. i think shy is borin; i think depressed is too; i think pretty is nice, but i'd rather see something new.