what if there are no damsels in distress, what if i knew that and i called your bluff?
2004-01-03 & 11:49 p.m.

it's nothing like you said it would be, that day when we drank lemonade and swung in the hammock. it isn't you and i against the world; you've been able to take your eyes off of me. you've forgotten the breeze, and i have begun to live for it.

there have been others, of course. those with wisps of blond hair who love nothing more than the idea of love. those who promise to come and take me away, who revel in inundations of promises to save me.

but i don't need saving any more than i needed his nauseating gifts of lingerie, which are still buried in their lace and shimmer, attached to the price tags.

it's nothing like you said it would be, the day we jumped in the lake somewhere in northern new york. we were going to go to maine, but you had to work on monday and said you couldn't miss it. i gave up on hoping you would start doing the things you loved instead of the things you were obligated to do.

it is easier not to believe in love, when the alternative is crying until sleep finally takes your hand. it is easier not to believe in love, when the alternative is not knowing if i will ever love someone like i loved you.